Today has been a rough day. I love my husband so much and I love being a mom. There is nothing in my life I have wanted to do more than have my own children and stay at home with them. I love it so much! This week I started keeping 2 other kids. Emme is 13 months and Paxton is 4 months. It has added quite a lot to my plate, but it is fun. However, the only time I leave the house is for about 15 minutes to go get Pam from school. I get cabin fever easily. James, on the other hand, is gone all day and when he gets home he doesn't want to do anything. Today our personalities clashed. I struggle with feeling that it is my job to do all the cleaning, fixing meals, dressing children, laundry, and discipline of the kiddos.
I told James today that I needed to go to Target for a break. I didn't ask him to come with me. But when I said this, his replied, "Put the girls down for a nap and go." That was fine, I was planning to do that, but that he had to tell me to do that instead of just saying ok rubbed me the wrong way. Then I was trying to clean up lunch, the table, do the dishes, change laundry around and Macie was going potty...and then poop...in her potty. I asked J to help her and got an, "ugh" from him. Why was this so hard for him to do? He was "spending time" with Ella watching tv and playing on his phone. Was it so hard for him to clean up after Macie?
When I confronted him calmly later about this, he turned all around on me being moody. I wasn't. He tells me how much he has going on with church and school. And I know he is busy...I do. But when he is at home and wants to "relax" that is fine. I am all for that. I just need him to also be a dad. And I am not sure how I can talk to him about this without making him mad, but helping him understand how I am feeling. So the rest of the day has been very tense because he thinks I am telling him he is a horrible person. NOT TRUE. I don't think that. I just need a little help with the kids or around the house. So that has been my day.